What can I give Him? Boy, that’s a big question this time of year. Actually, it’s more like what can I give everyone on my list?!? The Christmas season is definitely one of my favorites. The colder air, possibility of snow, cozy fireplace, hot coffee, silly family time with babies that have gotten too big, too quick and of course the gift giving. Christmas morning around our house is truly magical. For just a few hours all is calm; and everyone is full of anticipation for the surprises that lie under the tree. I’m excited just thinking about it!! Yet with the wonder of the season there is still the reality of brokenness, unmet expectations, disappointments and sin. Those same relationships and situations that bring so much joy into our lives often bring anxiety, stress, and sometimes conflict.

So, what can I give Him? Well, the most natural question when seeking to find the perfect gift is “what would He want”? He has my heart but where does the real battle lie in my relationships? What area of my life does He desire my submission in order to transform? For me the greatest contributor to conflict in relationships are my words or lack thereof.

Many thoughts crowd my mind when I think about what God would want from me this Christmas. Again, He has my heart as He likely has yours, but I know there is more to give, and I keep coming back to my words. Honestly though, words are hard to GIVE (up) because words are powerful! Proverbs 18:21 tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. My words give me a sense of power and I’m often unwilling to release my hold of that powerful tool especially when feeling unloved or wounded. But words also have the power of life and that is where I want to be – a life-giving wife, a life-giving mom, a life-giving daughter, friend, sister-in-law, teacher, woman.

Allow me to share a paraphrase from a sermon by a pastor at Watermark Church in Texas as he seeks to shed light on the subject. He explained the key to better relationships in this way . . . as oil is the necessary ingredient to keeping a car’s engine free of friction so there is an ingredient that is vital to friction-free relationships leading to unity. That ingredient is HUMILITY. When I consider the power of words, to bring life or death, it’s imperative to consider where my words of death come from. James 4:1 states “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you.” My words have a direct link to my pride.

Generally, our defense in responding to others is controlled by our pride; consequently, humility is the only answer to this word problem we all face. Humility is expressed best in Philippians 2:3-4 “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” If the answer to this word problem is humility - than the gift giving struggle just got easier. What can I give Him? My pride. But I like my pride – well I don’t like its fruit, but I like its power to seemingly give me justification. But what would a loving God do with such a gift as my pride? I believe He has the power and desire to change my pride into the kind of humility that will produce an out-pouring of life-giving words. I would argue there’s no greater gift I could give my family this Christmas. What can I give Him? What will you give Him?

As parents, once kid number two, three, and four came into existence, our mantra of speaking settled in quite nicely.  We all have familiar phrases that are drilled into our ever-listening captive audiences – our offspring!!  In this house, the regular phrases that come out of my mouth are “pretty is as pretty does,” “it’s a sign of maturity to eat your vegetables first,” “be a blessing,” “be kind to everyone but share your heart wisely,” “how’s your heart?” and so on. Our children are getting older now, growing up way too fast for this momma and I often wonder if I’ve equipped them to live like Jesus.  An ear full of little sayings won’t produce the kind of heart that loves well . . . only God can take our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh.  (from Ezekiel 11:19)

We built a sheltered life, Chad and I, for the babies God gave us.  But, the sheltered life can have a tendency to create a blind life to those around us who are beaten down by this broken world.  We are broken too but all too often we have the means and support to pull ourselves up while casting judgement on those who can’t, or we would argue, won’t do the same.  It’s a fearful and prideful way to parent.  Don’t be discouraged if you feel like you can relate because this is where sanctification comes in the middle of our pride and fear.  God shows Himself shockingly kind, even to us.

I heard this phrase while attending Sunday service at a church in Dallas and it has simply knocked me over!  I knew God was (is) love, He is just, He is faithful, He is our provider, He is ______________ but shockingly kind?  Now that’s a description this heart craves!  For it’s my heart’s desire that our children live to be kind.   At Colin’s high school graduation, held in our living room, I remember reading a verse from Proverbs 19:22, a verse I wanted him to live by, to become.  It read, “What’s desired of a man is kindness.” 

Kindness is a supernatural virtue.  It’s more than just keeping the peace or being cordial.  It embodies Christ and how He interacted with people—fallen, broken, mean, hurting people.  Christ’s response to the woman caught in the very act of adultery was “shocking kindness.” It was well within the Law to stone her for her sin, but Jesus showed her great mercy and a tender kindness. Kindness that brought her life out of the pit and into a real existence, that’s the supernatural nature of kindness. A power that can change the trajectory of a life.  And where were her accusers?  Gone.  One by one, from oldest to youngest, rocks on the ground . . . gone (John 7 & 8).  Can’t you just imagine that in the quiet of her accuser’s hearts, some came to know the real freedom in Christ because they had witnessed His kindness to the lowly, undeserving adulterous women?  I believe God’s character of kindness is powerful enough to change a woman living in a broken lifestyle while at the same time changing the self-righteous rock throwing accusers.  He is just that kind and we are just that valuable to Him! Shocking, isn’t it, but all together wonderful, and I’m so grateful!! Because I’ve been both, the woman living in sin and the self-righteous rock thrower.  We all have.  Can we be shockingly kind so that the world might have a view of the Father’s unimaginable love?   We can, because nothing is impossible with Christ, not even shocking kindness. 

We homeschooled our kids for years but as of last year everyone has joined the public-school ranks!! This has left me home in a very quiet house and I’ve turned to podcast listening.  Ask any of my friends, I’m almost obsessed with listening to Bible teaching pastors on the daily.  I recently listened to a pastor speaking on God’s kindness and he stated, “As Americans, our greatest apologetic is kindness.” WOW! So much truth and power in that statement . . . and I believe it – kindness is supernatural and unexplainable! Kindness is unexpected and can give room for the Gospel.  In all our spheres of influence, the shocking kindness of Christ modeled in our sanctified lives opens opportunity for relationship, compassion, mercy and humility. I want more kindness, but to get this supernatural virtue I need more of Jesus.  Let’s be honest—the very process of sanctification is shockingly kind. 

Who needs your kindness today?  Your family does, future generations of your family will benefit spiritually from the kindness you show those in your home today.  I’ll close with lyrics from a new favorite song called “So Will I” by Hillsong. Listen as these words describe the ultimate shocking kindness of God and let His unforgettable, undeserved kindness create in you a heart like His.   

God of salvation
You chased down my heart
Through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world
Abandoned in darkness to die

And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I